is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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