Where did you get a picture of my penis
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize