She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
