Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
