it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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