So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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