im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
