I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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