I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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