I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
