Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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