We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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