Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
