he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
