return my video game
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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