Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
