ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
