high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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