It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
