Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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