I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone came in the potted fern
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dick very happy bro
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
