So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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