i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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