i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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