i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
