if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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