im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dignity is for republicans.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
