I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
