Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
