i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
