There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
