I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I party with great urgency now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
