i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
