just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
