my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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