Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
