Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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