I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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