I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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