Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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