My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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