she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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