so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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