I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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