have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
