Im at strip club and am horny
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
