Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
