Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
