So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
