You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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