I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize