i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
