I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
