Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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