He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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