there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize