Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
