Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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