Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
