the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize