she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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