he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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