i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
