she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
