Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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