i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
