i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
