I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
