so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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