He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
