haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
