Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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