The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
