i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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