Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
