ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
