Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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