Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
