Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
