So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
