He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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