____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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