I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
