he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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