I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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