she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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