I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize