Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
