NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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