i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
