woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
