I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
