i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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