Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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