i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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