No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
