Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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