but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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