On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
