this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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