this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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