We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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