So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
