capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
