i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
