3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
