So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
