Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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