Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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