And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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