So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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